Friday, June 27, 2008

Why Don't We Talk About This More?

I was originally concerned to bring this up thinking, I've already talked about our sad day and maybe this will be a big downer for people to read so I should just wait until I am ready to write about something else. I am talking about my miscarriage. I'm guessing that the reason we don't talk about it more is because we don't want it to be true or real in our own lives so no body really brings it up too much until you have one yourself. It turns out, that many people in and around my life have experienced one and I have found out that the type I have had is a very common one, yet, I didn't know they were so very common before. I didn't know so many people have them, before. I didn't know to prepare myself for the possibility, because they happen all the time. That's because we don't talk about them.

So... while I hesitated discussing my own more, I decided that the point of this BLOG was to help other parents (and share the joy of my daughter with family and friends). If I can't discuss everything to do with parenting, which includes the disappointments, what good is this?

I have opted to pursue a natural miscarriage. This is one of three options and my doctor, though others may not agree, said the best option unless complications arise or it doesn't happen by the 12th week of the pregnancy. The other two options are a D&C, "Dilation (dilatation) and curettage literally refers to the dilation(opening) of the cervix and surgical removal of the contents of the uterus. It is a therapeutic gynecological procedure as well as a rarely used method of first trimester abortion." from Wikipedia, and a pill called misoprostol, "Physicians have begun prescribing misoprostol to women who have experienced a miscarriage early in pregnancy." from WebMD.

Every day is a day that I question letting it happen naturally, but I don't think I will change my mind unless complications arise. It is just a really weird thing to have your mind look forward to the future wanting to move on, but have your body still feel and act like you are pregnant. You tell your body every day that you are ready to stop being pregnant and wait for those signals to arrive in the right places to make things move along and when nothing happens you think, come on body... I need you to work with me, I'm ready to move on.

Regardless, I am keeping my mind as firmly set into the future as I can, because there is nothing I can do to rewrite the past. I just wish I had known how common this was so I would have had some amount of expectation for its possibility. "
Studies reveal that anywhere from 10-25% of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage." from American Pregnancy Association. I think that if we are given so much early information with home testing kits being so accurate, that we should also have this information to counter-balance just how excited we get. It's good to know what the chance of success is.

Again, I am not wanting to be a downer, I just want to be someone who talked about it in case it helps someone else with their own situation. I'll post an Ari update soon, I promise.

Monday, June 23, 2008

A Sad Day

I had my first doctor visit today and it turns out that we have miscarried. Not in the official sense yet, but they can see there is no baby. I have so many feelings running through me right now. Sadness is the main one though. There is just no point in anger for me and I have no one or nothing to resent, so I'll just feel the sadness, let it be there with me until the actual miscarriage event takes place and then look forward to our next try at expanding our family. Thank you for sharing in my joy of this and my sadness within such a short time. It helps just writing about it because it solidifies the reality of it within me and that makes it easier to move forward.

I'll be back to blogging about other things soon.

UPDATE: I'm not sure if anyone else is interested, but this is the type of miscarriage we are experiencing and is apparently extremely common. My doctor was kind enough to share with us that he and his wife had 2 of these on there way to creating their family.
An empty sac is a condition where the gestational sac develops normally, while the embryonic part of the pregnancy is either absent or stops growing very early. Other terms for this condition are blighted ovum and anembryonic pregnancy." From Wikipedia

Something Special to Me

I was forwarded this by my Mom and thought it was worth sharing. I think that often Israel gets a bad rap and that it is nice to sometimes remember the things that are good about it that the world at large may not know. Here are some examples though there are many others. :)

Thanks for checking it out!

Sorry for my absence...

We had a really busy weekend planned, which I knew would make it a challenge to post, but in truth the thing that got in the way was that I have not been feeling too good the last few days. Before you start to worry, for those that don't know, I am about 8 weeks pregnant. YAY! Except I am horribly tired and can't bring myself to do anything half the time. The other half, I was trying to keep up with our busy weekend. So... I'll get back to posting hopefully tomorrow or the following day, but bare with my erratic posts for a little while longer.

We have our first doc appointment tomorrow and can't wait. Hopefully, this malaise won't last too long. As difficult as it is to deal with, I'm counting my lucky stars because it could be morning sickness instead of fatigue and I'll take tired over throwing up any day. :)

I hope everyone is doing well! More soon.

Also... I should say... next to some of my friends and the things they are going through in their lives, I really need to stop whining. So... keeping my thoughts with Jenny and Tonya.