Saturday, September 27, 2008

War Wounds

It is taking me a decent amount of time getting things together, especially all my picture things so I can make another update, so we interrupt your regularly scheduled update with an OpEd piece.

War wounds... That is what one of my friends who recently had a baby used to describe the damage she is going to have to live with from her babies birth. It really got me thinking because that is a perfect description of ALL of what we deal with after having a baby. It doesn't matter if it is damage to a certain area, the scar running along the underside of your belly from having a c-section, the loose skin, stretch marks, floppy breasts, extra pounds, wider hips, or emotional damage. These are all our war wounds that we acquired taking on the most important job that exists in the world... producing life. What nobler cause could we possibly have undertaken than to put our bodies through hell so that a little being can get to live. Are we brave? You bet. Not only are there the things that you know about going into it, but there is always a list a mile long of things you don't know about that you might have to face so we are brave in the face of the known AND the unknown. Especially, those of us who do it more than once, having gone down the path, seeing how our bodies have changed, we still want to face all of it again to bring another little bundle to life.

So... if these are our war wounds, why is it that society makes us feel that ALL of our war wounds are ugly and disfiguring while a man's scar from taking a life, protecting a life, or just being manly and getting into a brawl, is sexy. You know... the whole, "Oh, nice scar. There must be a great story behind that, Mr. Dangerous." Or, bullet wound scars for being so brave as to protect a life. My body protected life and then fought for it. The C-section scar after 40+ hours of labor, is proof that I did what I had to do to protect my babies life. She and I were both going to die if this hadn't been an option. It is risking death to have a baby. Not as much now, but things do go wrong sometimes.

Also, what about our emotional damage. Even if you don't suffer from post-partum depression (ppd), you still take away some emotional baggage and almost EVERYONE I know has had the baby blue's at the very least, since our hormones and flying high. These are war wounds too. Even if you get over it, the feelings/memories linger and are a part of you forever. The days of crying after Ari was born are there forever etched into my mind. Without a basic support system (meaning stay close to home and good friends which we weren't) you just don't know how to cope with it all. Then you feel guilty for having negative feelings and it all spills over into baby blue's/PPD.

I am going to start thinking of the various issues within my soul and on the outside of my body as the war wounds my friend described and remember to look at them as such. They aren't ugly, they are the signs that I fought a good fight to have my daughter and all the joy she brings into the world with her.

I raise my blog glass to all the mothers and their war wounds. I salute you!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Dang Hard Drives!

I know I have been absent for a long time. I'm sorry about that. I have been dealing with drama with my fridge and more recently, drama with my laptop. Turns out my hard drive is having some REALLY bad mechanical failure and we aren't sure if we will be able to salvage anything off of it or not. Until then, we did get me a new hard drive and recently installed it and hopefully I will be up and running smoothly soon. I just wanted to come in and let you know what has been going on that has been interrupting my updates and thoughts. I'll be back as soon as I get my bearings! I have so many posts to make!