Why fit into a box?

I have been thinking a lot about this topic and sometimes thats really bad for my sleep as the thoughts jumble through my head. I figured the only way to get a good nights rest in the future would be to get these thoughts out in writing and share them with those that might be interested in them. After all, what is a blog except a diary you want others to read. :)  

I have recently found that more and more things are coming into perspective for me when I see them through my mother's eyes of what I want for my daughter. What we all really would like for our children but how sometimes the way we have set up the world around us isn't really conducive to us as parents nor to our children as little beings trying to grow up. This is where the box fits in. Has anyone else seen Gattaca with Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawk? It is all about a society where you were either bread to be perfect and fit into this perfect world or you were not and therefore you were less than somehow.  

In our own lives, don't we constantly complain about having to fit a certain body shape, wear certain clothes, have a certain house, have a certain hairstyle, and behave in certain accepted ways? Now... some of these things may be small and good for the benefit of having a cohesive society... for instance it is okay for us all to have to fit into the box of "not murderers" or "doesn't impose rude behavior in the middle of a wedding" or "Isn't walking around fondling themselves". There are lots of these boxes all around us to make us work together and not be in constant opposition so that we can move forward as a society. Where is the line then? There has to be a line. If there isn't, then we truly are not far from the Gattaca scenario of being made into "perfect" beings that all fit one stereotype.  I don't think anyone wants that. So... that elusive line...  

Now that I see the boxes, I can't ignore them. I have to actively decide which ones I am willing to fit into and which ones are imposing instead of helping our society work together. One such box for me as a stay at home mom, which is hard to break free from, is finding value in myself by the "job", as in income-making-work, that I do. I was raised during the time when little girls were taught and cheered on to earn-earn-earn and be the equals of men through their contributions in the work force. I refuse to allow this to define me now and yet there are still days when I look at another blue's clue's, sing another twinkle, twinkle, and basically feel my mind ooze out of my head when I wonder about my value. I couldn't possibly be doing a more important job than raising a child to be an active, contributing member to our society. That is a contribution beyond measure that we do every day. Yet... there is that ingrained in me question of value if there is no income to show for it. Stupid box that it is, it is a hard one to slough off.  

My own personal boxes are really not why this has been going through my head so much. It is our children... my child... that is making me think so much on this issue. Raising our children without a real village around us has made it so most of us don't really know anything about child rearing. When it comes time for us to take the plunge and become parents ourselves the shock of it sends so many of us already dealing with hormone changes into depressions or at the very least baby blues. When we are grasping for some road map on how to proceed we turn to who we feel is qualified to help us... our pediatrician. This is not to knock at pediatricians and actually I quite love Ari's pediatrician, but who are they that they know how to teach us to parent? Yes, many of them, though not all, have been parents. Great, I guess I can just walk up to any stranger with kids hanging on them and start asking my questions. Okay, maybe not. They have medical degrees. Well, now I know who to ask about illness and growth charts and the like, but what does a medical degree have to do with nurturing and loving your particular child. If they told me they had a degree in "Ariel" then I would be happy to have them answer all my questions, but I don't think they offer that at the local college. In the end, they are truly unhelpful, though we do listen to them, in teaching us how to parent.  

What they help us see is flaws mostly, which is really sad. You give birth to this perfect being who is unique and special and has an abundance of personality and gifts and all you hear from the doctor is whether they fit within ALL of the boundaries of an "average" child. One child isn't walking soon enough, another isn't talking soon enough, another isn't eating what they should be by now, another isn't sleeping long enough hours, and while one is overweight, another is underweight (even if both are eating a healthy diet). It's tiring just thinking of trying to fit one poor baby into such a confined stereotype of what a baby should and shouldn't be/be doing. Ari is a bright girl, generally fearless, very funny, and full of life. She is now 27 months old and knows her numbers to 40, counts backwards from 10 to 0, knows all her alphabet in english and hebrew, spells quite a few words with very little help, speaks in long sentences regularly, and climbs things she shouldn't be able to on the playground. She doesn't throw a ball well, catch a ball well, open doors well, eat well, or tell a story (though we are just now improving on this one). She also doesn't really relate all that well with other people. It isn't a socialization thing because she behaves beautifully (if a little authoritative) at the playground with other children, she just doesn't care to talk about or mention other children. I know many children her age who will talk about a friend they saw yesterday or they will ask about a friend of mommies that they see a lot. Ari has no interest in people. She likes them when they're there, but isn't thinking too much about them when they're not. She isn't even scared of people at all. The doorbell rings and she's the first one at the door. She just doesn't give them the time of day once they are gone. I could focus on all her negatives, or I could enjoy all her positives and celebrate the individual that she is and the individual she will grow up to be given the chance.  

We have decided that Ari is so into letters and numbers that we want to probably homeschool her with CAVA (California Virtual Academy). This will give her the opportunity to advance her learning at her rate instead of following a preordained schedule. If the next child we have could care less about numbers and letters but instead is always running around bopping and wiggling her bottom, perhaps her education will be more geared towards a dance magnet school or something.  

Who knows what kind of interesting individual we'll get next time, but I do know I will celebrate the achievements and not let my doctor, government, school system, or anything else tell me that unique being has anything wrong with them for not fitting in. They may be meant to be a rebel who will start an important movement in the future. Who knows? That's the beauty of parenting. It's always a surprise and a revelation if you let it be.  

Well... my little being has woken up and this is already quite the novel.  

Later!